The Only Time I Feel Special
by satinair
Summary: Love hurts and nobody knows that more than Blaine Anderson.
1. Chapter 1

"_Love has nothing to do with what you're expecting to get, only what you're expecting to give - which is everything. What you receive in return varies, but that really has no connection with why you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving." – __**Katharine Hepburn**_

**FRIENDS: **_**I see them sitting there. They'll tell me that they're just friends, but friends don't look like that.**_

"Did I do something wrong?" Blaine wants to ask. "Wasn't I the perfect boyfriend? Wasn't I everything you ever wanted?" A thousand questions zoom through his mind as he stands at the counter of the Lima Bean.

But he doesn't say a word. Time slows. Everything seems to move in slow motion. A loud buzzing sound fills his ears as he sees Kurt and Karofsky, deeply engrossed in conversation, sitting in the middle of the coffee shop. Their cups are off to the side, completely forgotten; much like how Blaine is feeling at the moment.

Kurt told him he was too busy studying to go out on their usual afternoon coffee date.

Kurt told him that he was probably going to be too tired afterwards to even watch a movie together.

The Lima Bean suddenly becomes much too crowded. The air is suffocating and Blaine clutches his medium drip hard causing a bit of the coffee to spill over his fingers. The heat spreads from his hands to his arms, his chest, and suddenly Blaine feels like he's on fire. His heart beats frantically in his chest and his stomach lurches. The room spins around him. He tells himself not to gag, not to throw up, not to make a scene.

"Sir?" Blaine hears someone say. He turns and sees the cashier staring at him.

"Yes?" he manages to squeak.

"Your change," the cashier says, holding out his change and a receipt in her palm. Blaine mutters "thanks" and shoves everything into the pocket of his striped gray and white cardigan. Blaine looks back at Kurt and Karofsky.

Karofsky is leaning back in his seat, legs wide; one arm is slumped over the back of his seat and the other is on the table in front of him. Kurt rests his elbows on the table and speaks low to Karofsky, as if sharing a secret. Suddenly there's a burst of laughter from the two of them and Blaine feels sick. He wipes his wet hand on his charcoal colored jeans and keeps his head low as he walks toward the entrance. As he slips out the front door and feels the blast of cold air hit him, he only has one question on his mind:

_What did I do this time?_

**DOUBT: **_**Why would he ever choose me? There's nothing to me. I'm nothing. I'm no one.**_

Blaine supposes he should have seen this coming after Karofsky tried to kill himself. He needed a friend. Honestly, Blaine has no problem with them being friends. Everyone needs a friend.

Blaine just can't help but feel jealous. Kurt is _his_. Blaine knows that's possessive and he can't really own another human, but the thought that Kurt is his and only his comforts him. This means that Kurt can't leave him. He can't hurt him.

Blaine nervously wrings his hands in his lap as he settles into the couch in the Hudson-Hummel's living room. He glances around. He's been here countless times, and yet this time it seems different. Like the air is different. Like he's no longer welcome.

_No_, he tells himself. _You're just being silly. _Blaine leans back and lets out a shaky breath. He knows he's just being ridiculous. He's more welcome here than he is at his own house.

"Blaine?" Blaine jumps and turns his head to see Kurt walking in from the front door, his bookbag slung over his shoulder and a textbook in his arms. Blaine smiles as Kurt walks over, sets his stuff down on the coffee table, and leans over to give Blaine a kiss.

"Hey you," Blaine mumbles against Kurt's lips. Kurt straightens up and Blaine moves over to give him space on the couch.

"How long have you been here?" Kurt asks, wrapping his arm around Blaine's middle as he sits.

"Not long. I came with Finn," Blaine says.

Kurt frowns. "Is he still home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I thought we could've finally had the house to ourselves," Kurt says, putting his head on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and pulls him closer.

"Our date night is in two days, Kurt," Blaine reminds him. Kurt sighs.

"I know. I just wanted…" he trails off, biting his lip.

"You just wanted to take me right here, right now, until I screamed your name in ecstasy?" Blaine asks, a smirk tugging at his lips. Kurt untangles himself from Blaine and looks into his bright hazel eyes.

"Nope, that's not it," Kurt says with a playful smile. "That's not it at all."

Blaine leans forward, so close that Kurt can smell his peppermint breath and the cologne he always insists on wearing. "Oh, really?" he asks.

"Really," Kurt answers. Blaine moves a little closer so that his lips ghost over Kurt's.

"I don't believe you," Blaine says, tilting his head slightly.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Kurt asks. He fights the urge to run his hands through Blaine's hair and pull him closer, so he can finally kiss him.

"Yes," Blaine says, his lips finally touching Kurt's.

"Whoa."

The boys jump apart and turn to see Finn a foot away from them, eyes wide, his mouth slightly ajar and clutching a bag of potato chips.

"Finn, we were kind of in the middle of something," Kurt says in his most polite voice, but the look he's giving Finn is anything but. Finn looks away, embarrassed, and clears his throat.

"Burttoldmetocheckonyouguys," Finn mumbles.

"What was that?" Kurt asks.

Finn clears his throat again and repeats himself, this time louder and clearer, but still not looking at the couple: "Burt told me to check on you guys."

Kurt groans and turns to Blaine, who had moved to the other side of the couch. "You couldn't tell me my dad was home, too?" Kurt asks.

"I didn't know," Blaine says with his face flushed.

"Uh, Burt said I can't leave you guys alone," Finn says. Blaine's surprised Finn doesn't burst into flames from the intensity of the glare Kurt is giving him. Finn sits down on the armchair and keeps his eyes low.

"Finn, please, can you give us like ten minutes alone?" Kurt asks. "I'm sure there's something in the fridge that you can stuff your face with." Finn looks down at the chips in his hand, but nods and mumbles something unintelligible before getting up and leaving the boys alone. Kurt lets out a breath and turns to Blaine, smiling.

"So where were we?" Kurt asks. Blaine laughs and moves closer to Kurt's side. Suddenly, a thought strikes him.

"What made you like Finn?" Blaine blurts out. Kurt blinks and quickly glances at where Finn had just been sitting.

"What?" Kurt sputters.

"I've just always wondered," Blaine explains. Kurt sits up straight and thinks.

"Well, truth is, in a sea of jerks, he was the only one that had any decency. I thought he was wonderful, but I figured out that I was just making up all that I really loved, well _liked_ about him, in my head," Kurt admits. "Finn was just another guy. Yeah, he's sweet, but he wasn't the 'Prince Charming' I was hoping for."

Blaine raises an eyebrow. "And am I that Prince Charming?" he asks. Kurt grins at him.

"Of course you are," he says. Kurt glances around to see if they're really alone and plants a chaste kiss on Blaine's lips. "So what made you like Jeremiah?"

Blaine, caught off guard, lets out a nervous cough. "Uh, he was nice," he says quickly. Kurt waits and when Blaine doesn't continue, he leans back and stares at him.

"That's it? 'He was nice?'" Blaine nods. "Blaine, he can't be the only guy that was ever nice to you."

"He kinda was," Blaine says, shrugging.

"But what about the Warblers?" Kurt asks, but instantly regrets it when he sees Blaine tense up. "Uh, and everyone else at Dalton? And you must've had friends at your old public school."

"They were nice, but not like Jeremiah. He was nice and _interested_," Blaine clarifies. He frowns slightly and furrows his eyebrows. "Well, I thought he was interested. He liked me, he was gay, and we talked a few times. I just… fell in love."

Kurt scoffs. "Honey, your standards are entirely too low," he says. He pauses, thinking. "Wait a minute. I liked you, I'm gay, and we talked a lot and yet it took you _months_ to fall in love with me."

Blaine shrugs. "I just thought you would want someone better than me."

"And who could possibly be better than Blaine Anderson?" Kurt asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"Kurt Hummel," Blaine says with a grin.

"Yeah, but I can't date myself, so I settled for you."

"And that's all I can ask for," Blaine says. He quickly pecks Kurt on the cheek as Finn enters the room with 6-pack of lemon-lime soda, a bag of chips, and a big bowl of popcorn in his arms. Blaine and Kurt shuffle away from each other and stare at Finn, Blaine smiling and Kurt scowling slightly.

Finn looks apologetically at them. "Burt's sorta my dad and I just can't disobey—" Finn starts, but Kurt cuts him off by standing up.

"I have homework to do anyway," Kurt says. He picks up his bag and textbook from the coffee table, gives Blaine a little wave, and exits, pointedly not looking at Finn.

"I'm sorry, dude," Finn says to Blaine, setting all the food down on the table since Kurt's stuff is no longer crowding the space.

"It's fine," Blaine says. "What's all the food for?"

"Oh, there's a game on today, so Puck, Sam, and I are going to watch it," Finn says. "You want to watch it with us? I know you're into sports and all even though you're g—"

"I'd love to," Blaine says, cutting Finn off. He leans forward, grabs a soda and a few chips, and turns toward the television.

**SMILE:**_** He flashed me that smile that makes my heart melts every time. But why does that smile hurt so much now?**_

Since Blaine and Kurt had started dating, their date night was the most important night of Blaine's week. Every Friday night is their night. A night to celebrate them.

Blaine grins at the full-length mirror in the first floor hallway as he pushes back a gel slicked curl. He perks up when he hears the doorbell ring and walks over to the door. He flings it open and the sight of Kurt just makes his stomach flutter.

"Hey," Blaine says. He takes Kurt's arm and pulls him into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of Kurt's neck and breathing in.

"Well, hello to you, too," Kurt says breathlessly. "Someone's anxious."

"I missed you," Blaine murmurs, planting soft kisses along the side of his neck.

"You saw me a few hours ago in school."

"It feels like it's been years," Blaine whines. Kurt laughs and gently pushes Blaine off.

"Are your parents home?" Kurt asks. Blaine shakes his head. "Cooper?"

Blaine snorts. "I'm not even sure he still knows where we live," he says. He steps behind Kurt and wraps his arms around Kurt's stomach. "We're all alone in a big, quiet house."

"Now, what can we do in a 'big, quiet' house all alone?" Kurt says innocently. Blaine nibbles up Kurt's neck and Kurt lets out a low moan.

"I don't know, but I promise you it won't be quiet for long," Blaine mutters. Kurt grins as Blaine moves from his back, grabs his arm, and leads him upstairs to his bedroom.

A little under an hour later, they're naked and sweaty under Blaine's covers, but too blissed and tired to really move. Kurt curls around Blaine's side and Blaine rests his hand on the curve of Kurt's ass.

"Mmm," Kurt hums.

Blaine lifts his head to look at him. "Mmm?"

Kurt looks up at him through heavy-lidded eyes and nods. "Mmm." Blaine laughs and lightly rakes his fingernails up and down Kurt's back. Kurt purrs and cuddles closer, resting his head on Blaine's smooth chest.

"Kurt," Blaine says gently.

"Hm?"

"Where were you last week when we were supposed to go on our coffee date and then go to the movies?" Blaine asks.

"I told you I was studying," Kurt answers, barely stifling a yawn.

"Someone told me they saw you at the Lima Bean," Blaine says.

"Blaine," Kurt says, sounding bored. "Do you really want to do this now?"

"Yes."

Kurt sighs and shifts, so he can lie on his stomach and look Blaine in the eyes. "Fine. After Rachel and I finished studying, we went to the Lima Bean and I bumped into David Karofsky. We decided to get a drink with him to catch up and talk about how he's doing, but Rachel had to leave for something the Berry's were planning, so it was just the two of us left," Kurt says.

"So why didn't you just invite me?" Blaine asks, trying not to sound hurt.

"I don't know," Kurt says, dropping his chin on Blaine's chest. "I just really wanted to talk to him alone. After all he's been through, he needs a friend. I thought I could be that friend."

Blaine looks up at the ceiling. The dim lighting of his room just makes him want to sleep, but his face is starting to feel hot and suddenly Kurt on him is an uncomfortable addition to his already sweaty body.

"I could be a friend, too," Blaine mumbles. He can feel Kurt's face shift as he smiles. Blaine moves his hand from Kurt's back to his hip and pulls him closer.

"You know, I used to look up to you," Kurt says. Blaine nods, a faint smile appearing on his lips as he remembers when Kurt had admitted this to him when he had his (thankfully, very short) sexuality crisis.

"It's kinda weird looking up to somebody that's younger than you," Blaine teases.

"Oh, shut up, you certainly acted more mature at the time," Kurt says. "Anyway, you were so confident and comfortable and _popular_."

Blaine lifts an eyebrow. "So you only liked me for my popularity?" he asks, grinning widely.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I obviously only like you for no other reason than the fact that you're super duper popular," Kurt deadpans. "Blaine, I'm just saying that being gay didn't ruin your life. You were what I wanted to be."

Blaine beams at him. "But what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, now I'm happy, I have a great relationship with my family, and I have the best boyfriend ever. I'm evidence that it's possible to be happy and gay. That it gets better. What you were for me, I want to be for David," Kurt says.

Blaine sucks in a breath. Kurt turns to him, confused.

"What's wrong?" he asks. Blaine shakes his head and gives him his best secure smile.

"Nothing," he says. "So, you call him David now?"

"We're sorta friends. Calling him Karofsky sounds like I'm talking to one of my enemies and I don't feel like we've gotten to the point where I can call him Dave," Kurt says.

"Oh, _friends_. Is there anything I should be worried about?" Blaine asks, still smiling. Kurt lays his head on Blaine's chest.

"No, of course not," Kurt says. Blaine frowns. He can almost swear he heard Kurt hesitate.

_No, Blaine_, a little voice in the back of mind says. _You just made that up in your head._

"You'll be mine forever?" Blaine asks, gripping Kurt hip tightly. Kurt's eyes drift closed and he yawns, half muffled by Blaine's torso.

"Even longer than that," Kurt says, before falling fast asleep. Blaine smiles down at him as Kurt's breath steadies, but he doesn't feel reassured. His body feels hot again and he hopes the rapid beating of his heart doesn't wake Kurt up.

_He loves you_, Blaine tells himself. _And he won't ever stop loving you._


	2. Chapter 2

**DREAMS**: _**His dream is to be in New York, happy, free, and successful. Where do I fit in?**_

The Hudson-Hummel residence is quiet, except for the sounds of the rustling pages of textbooks and pencils scratching against loose-leaf paper. Rachel and Kurt sit on the floor, their books on the coffee table in front of them. Occasionally, they murmur something to each other relating it the History homework they're working on. Finn sits in the armchair to the left of them, hunched over his Geometry textbook as he tries to make sense of the problems in front of him. Blaine lounges on the couch across from Rachel and Kurt with his legs tucked under him and his SAT Prep workbook on his lap.

Blaine tries to concentrate, but as his eyes travel over the words in front of him, his brain retains nothing. His eyelids feel heavy as he fights back a yawn. He's been having troubling sleeping recently. His dreams have become more vivid and…_scary_. Blaine constantly wakes up in the middle of the night sweating and clutching his sheets in absolute fear. Blaine quickly glances at the others and figures that he can allow himself a moment of rest. He blinks a few times before his eyes close and he drifts off to sleep.

It's the same dream each time. He's alone on the roof of his middle school in the pouring rain, just standing on the ledge. The sky is dark and the area is completely deserted. Blaine stands and listens as the thunder rumbles above him and the rain hits the metal vents on the rooftop. He takes a tentative step forward, his heartbeat stuttering as he moves. He only has a second to reconsider when his legs slip from out under him and he's over the edge. Quickly thinking, he juts a hand out to grab onto something, _anything_, to save his life. Blaine lets out a gasp as his fingers wrap around a vertical metal pole.

Now his heart is beating in his ears. He knows it's raining too hard for him to keep his grip for long. He feels warm tears start to well up in his eyes. Blaine quickly glances down to the ground. He swallows as he watches the raindrops splash against the hard black concrete below. This is it. This is how it's going to end. _I didn't want to die_, Blaine thinks. _I just didn't want to live._ A voice in the back of his head laughs at him and tells him that it's the same thing.

Blaine starts to lose his grip. He feels his fingers slide against the cold, wet pole. His throat burns. He wants to cry. He wants to scream out.

"Help," he yells. He scratches his fingernails over the metal, but it's no use. His grip becomes weaker and weaker.

"Help!" he tries again. "Somebody, anybody, help!" Blaine starts to shiver and he once again looks down at the ground. He feels like the rain is weighing him down and he closes his eyes. He knows how this will end.

"Kurt," he calls. His ears try to tune out the rain to listen for the tell-tale sounds of footsteps. Nothing.

"Cooper! Mom. Dad. Anyone!"

But there's no response. No one is there. He's alone. All alone. Blaine doesn't even open his eyes as he feels his hand slide off the pole and he falls to his death.

An explosion of laughter shocks him awake. Blaine whips his head around, confused about where he is. _Oh yeah. Kurt's house_, Blaine reminds himself. He sits up suddenly, nearly knocking the workbook off his lap. His eyes dart to Finn who he guesses must have been asleep too because his eyes are half-lidded and a thin line of saliva trails from the edge of his mouth to the bottom of his chin. Finn wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and looks down at Rachel and Kurt who are doubled over laughing and clutching their sides.

"What happened?" Finn drawls. He blinks rapidly to wake himself up. Rachel looks up at him and wipes a tear from her eye.

"Oh, nothing, honey," she says. "We were just talking about New York."

"Oh" is all Finn says. His glances at Blaine, but Blaine lowers his head, pretending to not have heard because he was too concentrated on his book. He wonders if the others can hear his heart because of how hard it's beating.

"Kurt was just telling me about his aunt that camped out overnight in the snow for rush tickets for Wicked only to be told that there are no shows on Mondays," Rachel says.

"You remember my aunt Marilyn at the wedding, right?" Kurt asks. Blaine guesses that Finn nodded because Kurt continues. "Well, she was _horrified_. She complained about it for months."

"Oh my god, I feel like that's going to be us in the future," Rachel says to Kurt.

"This time next year we'll definitely be camping out for cheap Broadway tickets," Kurt replies.

"Uh," Finn starts.

"Finn, you'll be there too. Don't you dare think you won't! We'll force you," Kurt says sternly, but Blaine can practically hear his smile. Blaine feels a tickle in the back of his throat and tries to swallow it down. He can't cough. He just wants to make it seem like he's not even there. They'll forget about him and finish the conversation and Blaine will just be invisible because he's not going to be there with them in New York. This conversation has nothing to do with him.

"I'm not really into Broadway like you guys," Finn tells them.

"But you'll be there to give me moral support, right, honey?" Rachel says.

Blaine hears the armchair creak as Finn shifts in it. "Yeah," Finn says.

"Hey, give me moral support too, or will I have to bat my eyelashes at you like Rachel?" Kurt jokes. Blaine almost laughs until he remembers that he's not a part of this conversation. He's supposed to be invisible.

"You don't need me to give you moral support; you'll have…" Finn trails off. Blaine sucks in a breath and the back of his neck heats up. He's sure Finn looked over to him and he's sure Rachel and Kurt followed his gaze. He can feel them staring at him and a few beads of sweat break out on his forehead, but he keeps his head down. He continues staring at his book even though he has no idea what he's reading.

There's an awkward silence and Blaine swears all the air has been sucked out of the room. He stays as still as possible with baited breath until he hears Kurt cough.

"Maybe we should get back to our homework," Kurt says. Rachel and Finn mumble affirmatively. Blaine can feel Kurt's gaze lingering on him. He knows how it feels when Kurt's looking at him, but he keeps his eyes glued to the workbook. He hears Kurt let out a breath and turn back to his own work.

Blaine's whole head is hot now. He usually tries not to think about Kurt leaving for New York. Everyone leaves eventually. It's just a part of life. Blaine feels the sting of tears and he swallows down a sob.

"Blaine, are you okay?" he hears Rachel ask. He blinks back his tears and lifts his head to see three concerned faces staring back at him. He tries to speak, but his throat is dry. He swallows again and nods.

"You look pale," Rachel comment.

"Are you sick? Finn asks.

"Want me to get you water?" Kurt asks, rising from the floor. Blaine shakes his head.

"I'm just-" He pauses. He's surprised at how hoarse his voice is. "Maybe I should go home."

Kurt knits his eyebrows and checks the clock on the wall behind the couch. "It's just 9:30," he says.

"I know, but…" Blaine racks his mind to find a good excuse. "I promised to help Cooper with something at 10."

"You can't stay a little longer?" Rachel asks.

"No, I have to go," Blaine says, his eyes not leaving Kurt's. Kurt looks disappointed, but he smiles.

"Well, bye, man," Finn says, giving him a little wave.

"We'll see you at school tomorrow," Rachel adds.

"Okay, if you _have _to go," Kurt says. Blaine nods and stuffs his workbook into his bag. He puts the strap on his left shoulder and grips it. He walks over to the front door and he can feel Kurt right behind him. Blaine reaches the door and he tenses slightly when he turns to face Kurt, who is just a few inches in front of him now.

Kurt smiles at him, the sides of his eyes crinkling. "I hope you feel better," Kurt says.

"I will," Blaine replies. "It might just be a cold or something." He looks awkwardly to the ground.

"So, I'll call you later. Don't forget, okay?" Kurt says. Blaine nods and attempts to turn when he feels Kurt's hand on his shoulder. He stares at it dumbly. "Blaine, are you really okay?"

Blaine looks at Kurt, whose eyes are full of concern. Blaine takes a second to get lost in his blue-green eyes. This is Kurt. His Kurt. The Kurt that loves him more than anything. Blaine smiles weakly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answers. Kurt lifts an eyebrow.

"Really? Because you were about to leave here without giving me a kiss," Kurt says with a playful smile. Blaine grins at him and leans forward, brushing his lips over Kurt's. His eyes flutter closed as he feels Kurt's hand on his neck pushing him closer. He barely has a second to breath before Kurt kisses him deeply, parting his lips and sliding his tongue out before it knocks against Blaine's teeth. Blaine opens his mouth and slides his own tongue through. He breathes out of his nose, reveling in the feel of Kurt's mouth against his own. Blaine doesn't know how long they've been standing there, licking and sucking and biting with their hands roaming over each other's bodies, before they hear

"Oh." They jump apart, looking sheepishly at each other.

"It's always Finn," Kurt says under his breath. He turns to his stepbrother and in a louder voice, he asks, "What is it?"

"N-nothing," Finn stammers. "Rachel was just wondering where you were. She needs help with a problem."

Kurt lets out an exasperated sigh. "I'm just saying bye to my boyfriend," he says.

"I'll tell her you're busy," Finn says quickly, turning.

"No," Kurt says. Finn stops in his tracks, stumbling slightly. "I'll help her now." Kurt turns to Blaine and smiles brightly. "Bye, honey, get better soon. For me."

Blaine nods. "I will. For you." Kurt gives him one last smile before walking back to the living room with Finn. Blaine turns and opens the door, allowing the cool night air to wash over him.

It doesn't take him long to get home which surprises him because he felt like he had been driving for hours. He spends too much time in the car just thinking and by the time he pulls into his driveway, his mind is racing.

_Kurt loves you._

_Kurt loves everyone._

_He wants you. He chose you. You're his boyfriend._

_He didn't really have a lot of guys to choose from. Actually he had to other guy to choose from other than his former bully who he is quite friendly with now._

_It was just coffee. You went out for coffee with Sebastian. That doesn't mean you're cheating on Kurt with him._

_I would never cheat on Kurt._

_And you think Kurt would cheat on you?_

_No. Kurt would never cheat on anyone._

Blaine tries to shake these thoughts as he slides the key out of the ignition and opens the car door. A soft breeze moves past him as he makes his way to the front door of his house. When he opens it, he sees Cooper leaning on the banister of the front stairway.

"Hey, Coop," Blaine says, closing the door behind him. Cooper looks at him, surprised and then confused. He checks his wristwatch.

"Whoa, someone's early," Cooper comments.

Blaine shrugs. "Yeah, I had to-… I just had to come home."

Cooper moves off the banister. "Did something happen at Kurt's place? Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. It's just…me," Blaine mumbles. Cooper walks over to him.

"You?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Blaine says. He walks away from his brother and toward the stairs.

"Blaine, you know you can tell me anything," Cooper calls after him. Blaine halts, his hand on the mahogany handrail. He turns to his brother slowly.

"There's no point in telling you, Coop. You'll just get into another fight with Mom and Dad and leave again," Blaine says wearily. He's tired of having this conversation. Time after time Cooper tells him that he's always there to talk and time after time he's gone whenever Blaine needs him the most.

Cooper takes a step toward him. "Blaine, look, I'm sorry. I'm like the worst brother ever, I know, and—"

"They started talking about New York," Blaine says, cutting him off. A sharp intake of breath comes from Cooper.

"Oh," is all he says. Cooper stares at his brother, not sure what to do.

"Yeah," Blaine replies.

"Then what?"

"I felt sick and came home," Blaine answers. He looks his brother in the eyes. He feels like he's begging for his brother to do something; to make everything better. To make _him _better.

There's a pause and then Cooper asks: "It's killing you, isn't it?"

Blaine shrugs and gazes at the ground in front of Cooper's feet. "If it doesn't hurt, it isn't love," he says. Cooper moves toward him, but Blaine shakes his head and Cooper stops.

"Blaine, love isn't supposed to hurt," Cooper says. Blaine looks back up at his brother. He almost wants to laugh at how wrong that statement is. He knows first-hand how wrong that statement is.

"But it always does," he states. Blaine turns and runs up to his room, leaving Cooper in the silent hallway staring at where he stood.


	3. Chapter 3

**SLEEP: _How come the nights are so long and the days so short? Is it because our days are numbered?_**

It's 11 pm and it's entirely too quiet in Blaine's bedroom. He hates it when it gets quiet like this. The low light of the moon peeks through his window, adding a hazy glow to his dimly lit room. He sits up in his bed, unable to sleep. The electronic alarm clock at his bedside table flashes the time: 11:01.

Blaine groans and throws off his covers. He grabs his phone and looks through his messages and missed calls, but he doesn't find what he's looking for. There's nothing from Kurt. He places his phone on the table and lies back on the bed. He stares at the ceiling and closes his eyes, but a minute later they're open again.

This is first time in months, possibly the first time since he and Kurt had started dating, that Blaine doesn't hear Kurt's voice before bed. And it's killing him. Even times when Kurt is too tired to go over their nightly skin sloughing regime, he still calls to say "goodnight" and "I love you".

However, tonight is different. Blaine had SAT Prep thanks to his father's insistence that he take the classes since he traded his prestigious Dalton Academy education for "some lackluster public school named after a worthless president" (his father's passive aggressive words). Blaine, of course, did not tell his parents that he wanted to transfer for Kurt. He hadn't even told Cooper. But he supposes Cooper put two and two together when Blaine had mentioned McKinley was Kurt's school. His parents would have thought transferring for love was stupid and would have forbade it, but Blaine knows that he did the right thing. He would do anything for his true love.

Blaine sighs happily. _True love_. Finally. He then frowns when his eyes flicker back to the clock. Kurt has graduation rehearsal early in the morning, so he had to sleep earlier than usual. By the time Blaine had gotten home, Kurt was already asleep according to Burt. Blaine called the Hudson-Hummel's house phone when Kurt didn't answer his calls.

Blaine glances at the alarm clock miserably. 11:06 flashed in red block numbers. Blaine groans and rests his forearm on his forehead. He'll never get to sleep, he figures. His body has gotten too used to Kurt's soothing voice right before he falls asleep. Now that he's denied that, he feels restless.

He hears a creak outside his door and then footsteps shuffling past. Blaine rolls his eyes. There's only one person who could be coming home this late. Blaine jumps off his bed and walks over to the door. He opens it a crack, sticks his head out, and whispers: "Cooper?"

Blaine hears the footsteps stop. His eyes adjust to the darkness of the hallway and he sees a shadowed figure turn slowly before taking a few tentative steps toward him. The figure lets out a relieved sigh.

"Holy shit, Blaine. You scared me," Cooper says. "I thought you were Mom."

"Are you saying I sound like a woman?" Blaine asks, taking a step back so he could see his brother's face properly. His eyes look tired and slightly red, but crinkled at the ends and paired with his usual mischievous smile, Cooper looks like he's been out doing something fun (or some_one_, Blaine notes). Cooper ruffles Blaine's hair and Blaine pulls his hand off. He takes a second to smooth down his curls.

"Of course I am, little bro," Cooper says. He takes a quick glance around the hallway and pushes past Blaine to enter his room. Blaine scowls and closes the door. He starts to protest when Cooper flops down on his bed, but Cooper bringers a finger to his lips to silence him. "So why are you awake?"

Blaine's mouth falls open slightly. "You're asking me why I'm awake when you just came home at close to midnight?" he asks.

"I'm an adult; I can come in whenever I please."

"Is that why you were scared that Mom caught you?" Blaine asks with a smirk. Cooper glares at him.

"_Anyway_," Cooper huffs. "I'm asking why _you're_ awake. At this time, you're normally fast asleep after talking to that boyfriend of yours for hours," Cooper says. Blaine's eyes fall to the floor.

"We didn't talk tonight," Blaine confesses.

"And why not," Cooper asks, cocking his head. "Did you two have a fight?" Blaine's eyes widen and he looks up, slightly alarmed.

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Blaine says hurriedly. "We never fight." Cooper blinks at this, but he doesn't comment.

"So what was it?"

"It's just our schedules, I guess," Blaine mumbles, biting his lip. He looks back at the ground. "By the time I got back from SAT Prep, he was already asleep."

"And you haven't been able to sleep since you came home?" Cooper asks. Blaine nods. Cooper leans forward and lets out a breath. Blaine lifts his head and looks him in the eyes, confused.

"What is it?" he asks. Cooper stares at him for a moment, but then shakes his head and grins.

"Nothing, little bro. How about we go downstairs and warm up some milk to help the both of us sleep?" Cooper suggests. Blaine's eyes light up. He loved when he was younger and he and Cooper would spend nights in the kitchen, nursing warm milk and chatting until they fell asleep, heads down on the dining room table until their parents carried them up to their rooms and tucked them in.

"I'd love that," Blaine says. He might not be a little kid anymore, but he still loves spending time with his brother. He could really use a brother right now. The bed creaks as Cooper gets up and the two of them walk out of Blaine's room, not even bothering to turn off the light.

**FEAR: _I can feel him slipping away._**

Blaine lies sideways on top of his covers. He's hardly moved from this position since Saturday. Now it's Sunday afternoon and Blaine starts to think maybe he should never move again. He doesn't see the point.

He stares at his phone. Friday night at 6:15pm, Kurt had texted him that he would be too busy to hang out over the weekend. Blaine had read the message over a hundred times. He had committed it to memory:

**NYADA stuff sorry! Must stay focused this weekend. Love you xx**

Blaine had spent most of Friday night just analyzing the message. He tried to tell himself that it was just a message and there was no hidden meaning, but he didn't believe it. Most of Saturday was just spent in his bed arguing with himself in his head.

Why hadn't he called to tell me?

_Because he was in a rush._

Because he was with someone else.

_Probably Rachel._

Or Karofsky.

_He loves you._

That doesn't mean anything_._

_It means everything, you know that._

What if I'm wrong? I've been wrong before.

Blaine's mind went wild. He thought of a million different scenarios and positions Kurt could have been in. On Saturday, he cried until he had nearly vomited. He had fallen asleep with his face still wet with tears.

Now he's awake, feeling disgusting and slightly nauseous with dried tears on his face. He curls up and hugs his knees to his chest. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to fix their failing relationship.

_No,_ he tells himself. _Kurt and I are fine_. Blaine sighs. He can keep saying it over and over again, but it doesn't take away the dropping feeling in his stomach. Suddenly his bed feels too big and empty. It's like Kurt hasn't been over in years and it's only been a little over a week. Blaine misses the heat of Kurt's body around him. He misses Kurt's warm breath on his neck as he sleeps. Blaine sniffs. Even his bed smells different now. Everything is foreign and strange.

"Blaine Anderson, you are losing your mind," Blaine says out loud. He shakes his head and props himself up on his elbows. He reaches over the bed to his bedside table where his phone sits. He grabs it and checks his messages. Nothing new. No calls, no texts, nothing. Blaine feels his eyes sting with tears but he blinks them back.

He's not alone. He still has Cooper. Blaine sits up and smiles. _Yes, I'll just hang out with Cooper_, he decides. He slips off the bed and walks over to the door. His finger tips hover over the doorknob when he hears someone yell from downstairs. Heart racing, he presses his ear to the door and strains to listen better.

"Why don't you try acting like an adult for once?" Blaine blinks. That's definitely his dad's voice. He figures his dad and his brother are arguing. Blaine snorts. That's nothing new.

"I am trying, but you guys are treating me like I'm sixteen again."

"What are you doing with your life?" Blaine hears his dad ask.

"My life is fine."

"Really? Coming home at _midnight_, drunk and smelling like a brothel."

"I was not at a brothel! I was out with friends. You know, _friends_ like normal people have, not business associates."

"Well, you need to work to have business associates instead on depending on your parents' money."

"I don't need your money. I'm doing fine on my own."

"Is that the reason why you were three months late on your credit card payments when you came back begging your mother and I to bail you out?"

"I wasn't begging, I was _asking_."

"Cooper, why don't you learn to grow up?" Mr. Anderson asks in a strained voice. "We won't treat you like a child if you stop acting like one."

"Whatever." There is silence. Blaine presses his ear to the door closer to the door.

"I am really concerned about the example you're setting for Blaine," his father says in a lower voice. Blaine jumps at the mention of his name. "He looks up to you."

"I know," Cooper says proudly.

"No, you don't know. You leaving all the time is not good for him," Mr. Anderson says.

"You're hardly here either," Cooper snaps.

"Yes, but I'm his father," Mr. Anderson says. "I gave him adequate love for the important years of his life and he knows that I'm now simply too busy to spend time with him."

Blaine hears Cooper snort. "Excuses," he says. "You'll use any excuse not to be a good father to either of us."

"I am a damn good father to the both of you," Mr. Anderson argues, his voice rising.

"Bullshit."

"Watch your language!"

"Or what?" Cooper challenges.

"Or…or you won't be allowed to come back to this house ever again," his father says sternly.

"What?" Cooper asks, taken aback.

"If you don't start acting right, you're out," Mr. Anderson says. Blaine's heart plunges.

"You can't kick me out," Cooper says in a voice so low that Blaine hardly hears him.

"This is my house, Cooper. I can do as I please."

"Fine!" Cooper shouts. "Fine. You want me out? Then I'm out!" Blaine hears stomping and then the sound of the front door being wretched open. He runs to his window and looks out, staring at the front yard. He sees Cooper walk out of the front door and feels the house shake slightly as the door is slammed. A few of their neighbors outside turn their heads to see what the disturbance is, but Cooper just keeps his head down, muttering to himself. Blaine watches as he walks to his car and jumps in. Within minutes, he's pulling out of the driveway and disappearing down the road.

Blaine panics. No, Cooper can't leave again. Not now. _Please not now_, Blaine silently begs. He whips his head around the room until his eyes land on his phone. He runs to it and pick it up, quickly dialing Cooper's number. No answer. He tries again. No answer. After the third try, he gives up.

His fingers linger over the buttons and before he knows it he's dialing Kurt's number.

"Hey, it's Kurt. I'm a bit busy at the moment…" Blaine presses the end key and stares at the phone in his palm. It didn't even ring. Just straight to voicemail.

Blaine throws his phone across the room, not even flinching as it hits the wall hard. He lies face down on his bed and for the second time this weekend, he cries himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**SEX: **_**He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.**_

Blaine steps into the large, elegantly designed kitchen of the Anderson household. The walls are white and so bright that, as the sunlight streams through the windows, they're almost blinding. Blaine blinks, giving his recently awoken eyes a moment to get used to the brightness.

Cooper is sitting at the small round table at the entrance of the kitchen already dressed for the day in a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and ash gray slacks, his face completely obscured by the newspaper he is reading. There's a half-full glass of orange juice and a plate of dry toast on the table. Blaine croaks out a small "good morning" in his brother's general direction and does not wait to see if he gets a response before groggily walking to the fridge.

"You're up early," Cooper notes from behind the newspaper. Blaine opens the fridge and takes a second to let the cool air wash over him before sticking his head in.

"I didn't really sleep," Blaine says, his eyes scanning over the contents of the fridge. His mother doesn't believe in microwavable dinners or leftovers, so everything in there has to be prepared. There are a few fruits and vegetables, but Blaine doesn't feel like munching on a celery stick for breakfast. He sighs as the closes the fridge door.

"And why didn't you sleep?" Cooper asks. Blaine turns to him and adjusts the waistband of his silk pajama pants. He lets out a huge yawn without covering his mouth and he can practically hear his mother grimacing all the way from her room. He walks over to where his brother is sitting and slumps into the seat across from him.

"I was up all night talking to-" He stops. He's not sure if this is a conversation he wants to have with his brother.

"Nothing. I just had a hard time sleeping."

Cooper flips the top left corner of newspaper down and gazes at his brother. "Oh?" he says, cocking an eyebrow. Blaine looks everywhere but at Cooper. Cooper sets down his newspaper and Blaine can feel his eyes on him.

"Blaine," Cooper says softly. "Tell me."

Blaine sighs and rests his elbows on the table, propping his head up on his hands. He stares at the four pieces of toast in front of Cooper. "Remember when I told you…" Blaine trails off. He quickly whips his head around to make sure his parents aren't coming and says in a whispered tone: "I told you I'm gay?" Cooper nods slowly. "Well, I met a guy at school."

"And is he-" Cooper's eyes dart to the entrance of the kitchen. "Uh, is he gay too?"

Blaine nods excitedly, causing the table to squeak as his elbows slide slightly forward. "And he's _wonderful_," Blaine says. Cooper chuckles.

"Well, good for you, bro," Cooper says, smoothing out his newspaper and bending his head forward to read it. There is a silence and then Blaine exhales.

"Cooper?" Cooper raises his head.

"What is it, B?"

Blaine bites his lips, trying to figure out exactly how to word this. "How do you know you're in love?" he asks

The sides of Cooper's eyes crinkle as an amused smile appears on his face. "Has this lucky boy captured the heart of my little brother?"

Blaine groans. "Coop, I'm serious. How do you know?"

Cooper takes a piece of toast and nudges the plate in Blaine's direction. Blaine ignores it. Cooper stares at his brother as he brings the bread to his lips. He takes a bite and chews at it slowly. He's stalling. He knows he's stalling. _Blaine _knows he's stalling.

"I guess you just know," Cooper says after swallowing. "You feel it in your gut."

"Have you ever been in love?" The sides of Cooper's mouth twitch downward. This is why he was stalling.

"I thought I was," he mutters.

Blaine doesn't hear the regret and heartbreak in Cooper's voice and he continues. "So how do you know if it's really love?" Blaine asks. Cooper looks into his big hazel eyes. They're hopeful, begging for an answer that he just doesn't have. Cooper gets up from the table and shrugs.

"You just feel it, Blaine," he says. "You just know." He leaves the kitchen, leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.

Blaine unlocks the front door and quickly glances around for any signs of life before ushering his friend James in. James is tall, nearly a foot taller than Blaine himself, and has to slightly bend his head as he enters the Andersons' house.

"Your house is always empty when I come over," James comments. "You must have, like, the best parents ever."

Blaine closes the door behind him when James steps in. "Yeah, the best," he deadpans.

James lets his eyes take in the high ceilings, fancy woodwork, and expensive-looking art hanging on the walls. The Andersons' house is a bit intimidating, especially its vast size. It could make even the largest giant feel miniscule, James notes. He looks down and sees Blaine gazing up at him. James smiles and Blaine beams back.

"So, what are we going to do?" James asks.

Blaine looks nervous for a second before answering, "I thought we could… I don't know, go up to my room?"

"Your room?" Panic flashes in Blaine's eyes.

"If that's okay," he says, almost shouts, hurriedly. James fights the urge to laugh at how cute and innocent Blaine is. "I just don't want my brother to bother us if he comes home."

"I didn't know you had a brother," James says.

"Well, he's hardly here. He's back from college, but he's usually with his friends," Blaine explains. "He's a lot older than me, so he doesn't spend a lot of time at home."

"How much older?"

"Nine years. He's 23," Blaine says. James nods and looks around.

"Okay, let's go to your room," he says. Blaine's heart starts to race and his throat feels dry. He's doing this. He's going to be alone with a boy, a _sixteen year old_ boy, in his room.

Blaine takes a breath. "James?"

"Yeah?" James says, still looking around the house.

"Doyouloveme?" Blaine mumbles, gazing at his feet. James furrows his eyebrows.

"What was that?"

"Do you lo-" Blaine pauses, his heart hammering in his chest. "Do you like me?"

"Yeah, of course," James answers, looking back at Blaine. "You're awesome. Would I be here if I didn't?"

"You're right. I'm just- I'm just over-thinking things," Blaine says relaxing a bit. He looks up at James. "So upstairs?"

James nods. "Upstairs."

Blaine tries to give James his most confident smiles as he slides into bed next to him. James wraps an arm around Blaine and uses his other hand to unbutton Blaine's shirt. Blain tenses slightly as James' fingertips brush over his bare chest.

"Are you nervous?" James asks.

Blaine forces out a laugh. "Of course not."

James lifts an eyebrow. "Blaine, you're shaking," he states. Blaine looks down at his hands to see that they are, in fact, trembling.

"Maybe a little nervous," Blaine says weakly. James laughs.

"Relax," he says. "You'll like it." His hands move quickly until all the buttons are undone. He reaches Blaine's jeans and Blaine flinches as James touches his belt buckle. James retracts his hand and looks at Blaine, exasperated.

"Sorry," Blaine says automatically, a small blush creeping up his neck.

James sighs. "Blaine, do you like me?" he asks. He leans forward and presses a few kisses along Blaine's jaw.

"Yes, I like you a lot," Blaine says and James almost chuckles at how eager he sounds. James nips and licks up Blaine's neck until he reaches Blaine's earlobe.

"Do you trust me?" James whispers in Blaine's ear. He slides his hand between Blaine's legs and palms his growing erection through his jeans. Blaine hisses and this time James does chuckle.

"W-what?" Blaine asks. James uses one hand to expertly unbuckle Blaine's belt, undo the bottom, and pull his zipper down. He rests his hand on Blaine's hip and gently rubs circles along the waistband with his fingers.

"Do you trust me?" James repeats. Blaine hesitates. He's too turned on and nervous to think properly. It doesn't feel right, but at the same time it doesn't feel wrong.

Blaine swallows thickly. "Yes," he says. "I trust you."

The next day, when Cooper comes home, he finds Blaine curled up on the couch just staring at the space in front of him. Cooper grins, walks over, and bends over the back of the couch to ruffle Blaine's hair. He recoils when he sees Blaine flinch.

"Blaine?" he says softly. Blaine raises his head and relaxes when he sees Cooper's face.

"Oh hey, Cooper," he says in a sleepy voice. Cooper knits his eyebrows. It's obvious that Blaine was not just asleep.

"Are you okay?" Cooper asks. Blaine stretches and winces. He rolls over on his back and looks up at his brother.

"I'm fine," he says, forcing a smile. "I just woke up."

Cooper frowns. "Blaine, why are you lying to me?"

"I'm fine," Blaine repeats. He stretches again and this time Cooper can see purplish bruises along his hip as his shirt rides up and exposes a sliver of his skin.

"You're hurt," Cooper says bluntly. "Are you getting bullied? Do I have to call Mom and Da-"

"I'm not a baby, you know?" Blaine explodes. "I might be your little brother, but I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I never said you were!" Cooper protests. Blaine turns from him and moves off the couch.

"Just leave me alone, Cooper," he says. He walks toward to stairs when Cooper grabs his arm.

"You know I'm always here for you, right? If anything is going on, you can tell me," Cooper tells him.

"Yes, I know, Cooper," Blaine says, his tone tired. Cooper lets go of him and watches as Blaine disappears up the stairs, limping slightly as he goes.

"Honey, are you- Blaine, stop!"

Blaine snaps back from his thoughts. He looks around the room and remembers where he is: on the couch on the Hummel-Hudson's living room.

Blaine looks to his left and sees Kurt looking back at him, concern etched on his face. Blaine removes his arms from around Kurt's waist.

"Are you crying?" Kurt asks. Blaine blinks a few times and realizes that yes, he is crying. He brings a hand up to his face to wipe away his tears.

"It's nothing," Blaine tells Kurt. He feels Kurt shift next to him and the next thing he feels is Kurt's arms around his shoulder.

"It's not 'nothing.' Look at me," Kurt whispers softly in his ear.

"Kurt, I'm _fine_," Blaine says harshly. Kurt blinks and drops his arms to his side.

"Wow, maybe we shouldn't-"

"No!" Blaine says, lifting his head. He exhales. "I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I just have a lot on my mind."

Kurt cocks an eyebrow. "And you're trying to make it better with sex?"

Blaine opens and closes his mouth, unsure of what to say. Kurt leans forward until he's so close that Blaine can feel his warm breath on his face.

"Blaine, talk to me. That's what we do, right? We talk."

Blaine lets out a stuttered breath. "Remember the first time we had sex and I told you I wasn't a virgin?"

Kurt's face becomes stony and slowly, he says: "Yes."

"Last night I saw the guy I lost my virginity to."

Kurt leans away from Blaine and wraps his arms around his middle. "Saw him how?"

"Just on the street," Blaine says hastily. "I bumped into him."

"Then what happened?"

Blaine pauses. He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them, they're brimming with tears. He says, in a broken voice: "He didn't recognize me."

Blaine walks quickly down the street. He's supposed to help his mother with the grocery shopping, but he got caught up doing something with Kurt afterschool. A small smile plays on his lips as he remembers exactly what they were doing that took up his time. But he definitely can't tell his mom that, so he has to get home as fast as possible.

His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out. It's a call from his mother and he's about to answer it when he collides with someone.

Blaine attempts to grab on to something to keep from falling, but he only succeeds in grabbing onto the guy he bumped into as they both fall to the ground.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry," Blaine says, feeling his face burn up. He scrambles to his feet and wipes the dirt from his clothes. The guy laughs and Blaine stiffens. He knows that laugh.

"It's okay," the guy says. Blaine's jaw drops and he turns to him, eyes wide. His heart leaps in his chest as his eyes fall on the one person he never expected to see in a million years.

"It's you," Blaine says breathlessly.

The guy gives him a confused smile. "What?"

"I can't believe you- I can't believe you're here. In Lima," Blaine says excitedly. He smiles broadly as his heart thunders.

"Yeah, um, I am," the guy says, glancing around.

"I just thought I would never see you—"

"I'm so sorry, but do I know you?"

Blaine's smile falters as his heart drops. He swallows heavily. "Uh, sorry. I think I might be confusing you with someone else."

"Hey, it happens. I have one of those faces." The guy sticks his hand out to Blaine. "I'm James."

"I-I'm Blaine," Blaine stammers. His stomach churns as he shakes James' hand. He briefly flashes back to the night those hands were all over his body and he bites back a sob.

"Well, Blaine, nice to meet you," James says amicably. "Maybe I'll see you around. Bye!" James walks past him and Blaine watches as he goes.

"Bye," he says in a low voice. "Goodbye."

"Oh, honey," Kurt says softly, wrapping his arms around Blaine once more. Blaine rests his head on Kurt's shoulder and just lets the tears flow.

"I thought it would've…" He doesn't finish. Kurt strokes the back of his head.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I thought I loved him," Blaine says. "I thought if we…I thought if we had sex it would make him love me."

"Why would you think that?" Kurt asks.

Blaine shrugs. "I was desperate," he says. He buries his head in Kurt's neck. "All it did was make me feel empty. For a while I just felt wrong."

There is a pause and then Kurt asks: "For how long?" Blaine moves his head until he's looking Kurt straight in the eyes.

"Until I met you."

**PANIC: **_**He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me.**_

Blaine loves Sunday night dinners with his family. It makes him feel like he's part of a real family that actually spends time with each other. The last few Sunday night dinners had been canceled. Three weeks ago his mother had a charity function that she "absolutely could not cancel". The week after, his father had missed his flight back to Ohio and was stuck in New York City. And last week was the fight between Cooper and his dad. Mrs. Anderson had begged her husband to not kick Cooper out and begged Cooper to come back just for tonight. Well, not _begged _as much as passive aggressively mentioned that she thought her husband was being unreasonable and guilted Cooper into returning for her, saying that she wouldn't want have to live the rest of her life estranged from her oldest son. That's what his mother is best at: being passive aggressive and making people feel guilty.

Blaine was so happy his family was going to have Sunday dinner all together that he had invited Kurt join them. It was a spur of the moment thing. He and Kurt had been hanging out in Blaine's bedroom the night before when Kurt had noticed that Cooper was back. Blaine explained to him why he was and casually mentioned the dinner. Kurt's eyes had lit up when Blaine told him "it's like having a real family. Like a family I would want in the future". The next thing he knew, he was inviting Kurt to the dinner, Kurt was nodding happily and kissing Blaine, and by the time Cooper walked in to tell Kurt his dad called, Kurt's hair was mussed and his face was flushed with embarrassment. Blaine had made a mental note at that point to always remember to lock his room door.

And now it's Sunday. The first Sunday he'll spend with everyone he loves. Blaine grins. _Everyone he loves_. It felt good to even imagine looking over at his mother smiling at him across the dining room table, joking with Cooper as he watches his brother stuff his face with food, talking to his father about school and just life in general all while holding Kurt's hand in his lap. Blaine's heart flutters as he walks into the kitchen. He sees his mother leaning over the sink with a half eaten apple in her hand. She watches him for a moment before smiling at him. He smiles back.

"Hey, Mom," he says as he walks over to the fridge.

"Blaine, I wanted to talk to you." Something in her voice makes Blaine freeze. This won't be good. It's never good. He faces her.

"Yes?"

"Cooper told me that you invited Kurt to dinner," she says. Blaine nods slowly. "I'd rather he didn't come." Blaine's heart plummets, but he doesn't even know why he's surprised.

"Is there a reason?" he tests.

His mother throws her apple in the pull-out trash compartment next to the sink. She doesn't look at her son as she talks. "Cooper doesn't bring his girlfriends to family dinner, so I don't think it's fair for you to bring your-" She pauses and looks conflicted for a moment. Blaine almost rolls his eyes. She still has a hard time saying the word. His father just refuses to and continues to call Kurt his "friend" or, after that time he caught the two of them shirtless on the couch, "that boy". It's not like his parents are homophobic; they just don't understand and don't _try _to understand. It's the same way how they don't understand why Cooper just won't stick with one girlfriend that comes from a good family, date her for at least a year before marrying her, and having perfectly acceptable children.

"My boyfriend, Mom," Blaine says. She turns to him, surprised, as if that wasn't what she was conflicted about.

"Yes, yes," she says hastily. "I don't think it's fair for you to bring your boyfriend."

"And why not?" he asks in a bored tone.

"I just told you. Cooper doesn't bring his girlfriends to family dinner," she replies.

"Cooper hardly _comes _to dinner. He's hardly home," Blaine snaps. Mrs. Anderson's eyebrows shoot up and she bites down on her lip.

"Blaine, don't be difficult," she says sternly. Blaine groans inwardly. That phrase. That stupid phrase. It's his mother's way of saying 'stop talking and do what I say'.

"But Mom—" She cuts him off with a wave of her hand.

"There are _four _of us in this family and there will be only _four _of us at that dinner table, understood?" she asks, fixing her eyes on him. Blaine squirms under her gaze and drops his eyes to the ground.

"I'll call Kurt and tell him," Blaine mumbles.

"Good," his mother says, smiling widely at him. She walks over to him and kisses him swiftly on the cheek. "Now, dear, can you call Cooper? I need to talk to him about something."

Blaine nods and shuffles out of the kitchen. He sees his brother on the couch in the living room reading a magazine.

"Cooper, Mom needs you," Blaine tells him. Cooper groans and drops his magazine. He rushes to the kitchen muttering to himself. Blaine takes his place on the couch and pulls out his cell phone. He dials Kurt's number and brings the phone to ear. He heart melts as he hears Kurt's voice.

"Hey, honey, I was just about to call you," Kurt says. Blaine smiles until he remembers the reason for the call.

"Uh, Kurt, remember how I invited you to dinner tonight?" he asks.

Kurt sucks in a breath. "Yeah, I remember."

"I-I'm sorry, but you can't come. Something happened…" He thinks for a moment. "Something happened to Cooper."

Kurt exhales. "Oh my god, is he okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, he is," Blaine says quickly. "It's just that…dinner is canceled. Sorry."

"Oh, great!" Kurt says. Blaine cocks his head.

"Great?"

"Well, yeah. I was just about to tell you that I couldn't come," Kurt explains. "David had an argument with his mother and he called me. I think it's really important for me to be there for him."

Blaine feels his heart in his throat. "David _Karofsky_?" he squeaks.

"Yes. You understand, right?" Kurt asks. Blaine nods, but then remembers he's on the phone.

"Yes, of course," he says. He rubs the back of his neck. "Do what you must. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Bye, Blaine. See you at school. Love you," Kurt says.

"Love you, too," Blaine says as he hears Kurt hang up. He lowers his hand to his lap and stares dumbly at the phone in his palm.

_He's with Karofsky. He canceled on me to be with Karofsky._ Blaine's stomach churns and his whole body feels hot. He sways slightly as his heart thumps frantically in his chest.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Blaine jumps and turns his head to see Cooper walking toward him.

"Yeah," he says. He shakes his head to get rid of his thoughts.

"Kinda weird to say 'yeah' and then shake your head," Cooper says, sitting down next to him.

"I wasn't shaking my head I was-" Blaine pauses.

"It's Kurt, isn't it?" Cooper asks. Blaine nods and Cooper lets out a breath.

"Talk to me, Blaine. I know I've said this a million times, but use this time actually talk to me. Please."

"I feel like I'm losing him," Blaine says in a small voice.

"What makes you think that?"

Blaine shrugs and sighs. "I just try so hard to make him happy, but it's like he doesn't even need me."

"Have you told him this?"

"I can't tell him, Coop," Blaine says, looking his brother straight in the eyes. "I can't let him know. It'll just make him feel guilty and unhappy, and I can't do that do him. If he breaks my heart, at least-at least I'll know what it's like to be loved."

Cooper blinks back tears and wraps his arms around Blaine, pulling him close. He doesn't know what to say or what to do; he just knows that he has to fix this.


	5. Chapter 5

**HEART: _He could do so much better._**

Kurt walks into the Anderson's living room and takes a seat on the couch. He was surprised when Cooper had called him up and told him that they needed to have a talk. His back is rigid as he sits and looks around. He still hasn't gotten used to how overwhelmingly big and fancy the Anderson household is. Everything looks like it costs more than his own house. Of course, he would never tell Blaine such a thing. It would only make him feel bad. Kurt smiles a little to himself as he thinks about how hard Blaine tries to make him happy. After so many years of misery, it's nice to have someone who loves him unconditionally, the way Blaine does.

"Thinking about my brother?" Kurt's head snaps up and he sees Cooper leaning on the wall across from him with his arms crossed over his chest.

Kurt reddens. "Yes," he admits. He glances around. "Is he here?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you alone," Cooper says, fixing his icy blue eyes on him. Kurt squirms under his gaze.

"Okay," he says, feeling slightly uncomfortable and nervous. "What do you want to talk about?"

Cooper lets out a breath. "About your relationship with Blaine," he says. Kurt knits his eyebrows.

"What about my relationship with Blaine?"

"Do you think you'll be together for a long time?" Cooper asks.

Kurt cocks his head. "I certainly hope so."

Cooper sighs and looks skyward. "Did Blaine tell you about the time that he got beat up after the Sadie Hawkins dance?"

"Yes."

"And did he tell you what happened afterwards?"

"He transferred to Dalton," Kurt answers. Cooper looks back at him and a mixture of surprise and confusion flash in his eyes. "What?"

"That's all he told you?" Cooper asks, lifting an eyebrow. Kurt suddenly feels self-conscious and nods slowly. He keeps his eyes glued on the large mahogany bookcase to the left of Cooper, but his skin heats up as he feels Cooper's eyes on him.

Cooper nibbles on his bottom lip, unsure of what to say next. It's his role to be the protective older brother, but he doesn't know _how_. Cooper sighs.

"After he got beat up, I left home," Cooper began. Kurt doesn't move or comment, so he continues. "Well, not right afterwards. He was in the hospital for a few days and then here for a week." Cooper runs his tongue over his lips. "And then he went back to school. Mom and Dad went on and on about 'not pressing charges' and 'not causing a scandal'. I hated it. They were acting like what happened to Blaine was inevitable and that he just had to move on and act as though nothing happened. And at that stupid public school, they just continued to torment him. No one helped him, except for one boy named James. But I guess they had a fight or something because, after a few weeks, Blaine never mentioned him again." Cooper takes a deep breath.

"When I came home from college and heard that he was still at that school, I yelled at my parents about it. They told me there was nothing they could do and that I should 'stop being difficult', so I left. I packed my bags and, by the next morning, I was gone. The next thing I knew, Blaine was at Dalton."

"You left him," Kurt says in a low voice.

"What?" Cooper asks. He momentarily forgot Kurt was even there.

Kurt turns his head to face Cooper, his eyes ablaze. "How could you just leave him?" he asks, his voice steadily increasing in volume. "Your brother got _gay bashed _and you left him alone to deal with your emotionally distant parents!"

"I didn't want to," Cooper says defensively. "But I couldn't stay here. I couldn't deal with all the bullshi-"

"I don't care what you could and couldn't deal with!" Kurt shouts, getting to his feet. His heart is racing and his ears are ringing. All he can think about is the fact that Cooper left Blaine when he needed him most. "Your brother had no one else. He needed you and you just left."

"You're leaving him, too!"

Kurt blinks, taken aback. "What?"

"You think he's fine? Blaine is messed up and it's all because of you. He's pretending that he's fine with you moving to New York, but he's actually terrified," Cooper retorts.

"H-he never said anything," Kurt mumbles. His gaze falls to the ground.

Cooper slides off the wall and stands up straight. He lets out a bitter laugh. "Of course he's not going to say anything. It's _Blaine_. He went to your prom because you asked him to. He switched schools because you wanted him to. He was about to give up the lead role in the school musical because you wanted it."

Kurt's eyes feels hot as he feels tears start to form. "What are you trying to say?"

"Blaine has a complex. He would do anything to make you happy."

"How is that a bad thing?" Kurt asks quietly, but he already knows the answer.

"It's a bad thing when it's making him miserable," Cooper bites back. "He can't talk about his feelings with anyone. He's becoming reclusive. The Blaine I know isn't like that. He wasn't like that until he fell in love with _you_."

The words hang in the air between them. Kurt swallows thickly and looks Cooper straight in the eyes.

"Fine. Then I won't make him miserable anymore," Kurt says before he turns to walk out the door. He just hopes that he makes it outside before Cooper sees him burst into tears.

Blaine moves close and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist. Kurt rests his own arms on top of Blaine's shoulders and laces his fingers together behind his neck. Blaine lets out a breath as they sway together to the music. Slowly at first, just enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed together. Kurt rests his head on Blaine's shoulder and Blaine tenses at the warmth of Kurt's breath on the side of his neck. Kurt breathes softly with his eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of Blaine's body against his own.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me," Blaine whispers. Kurt smiles and softly kisses Blaine's collarbone. Suddenly Blaine stops moving. Kurt nearly trips, but Blaine grasps him firmly. "Kurt?"

Kurt keeps his head down. "Hm?"

"What don't you like about me?" Blaine asks. Kurt lifts his head and looks him in the eyes.

"What?"

"What don't you like about me?" Blaine repeats. Kurt's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"I love everything about you," Kurt says, but Blaine shakes his head.

"Kurt, I'm being serious. What don't you like about me?" The look on Blaine's face tells Kurt that he wants a serious answer. Kurt's eyes fall to the ground.

"Oh. Uh, well…" he starts.

"Tell me," Blaine says.

"Sometimes, I don't like it when you use so much hair gel," Kurt admits. That's an easy one. Cooper and Santana regularly tease him about his gel usage, so he should be used to that by now.

But Blaine stiffens.

"Oh," is all he says. Kurt looks back at him in alarm.

"No, no, I'm not saying I absolutely despise your hair. I just liked it more when we were at Dalton and you used less gel," Kurt explains.

"Huh."

Kurt's eyes meet Blaine's. "Are you mad?" he asks. He drags his bottom lip through his teeth as he stares at his boyfriend, trying to show Blaine that he feels bad about his comment, but Blaine just chuckles.

"No, I could never be mad at you," Blaine says. He gives Kurt a swift kiss on the nose and pulls him closer. "It's just that… I thought you liked guys that were more put together and, I don't know, I just thought my wild curls would have turned you off."

Kurt buries his head in Blaine's neck. "What would make you think that?"

"I have no idea," Blaine admits with a smile. Kurt plants a few kisses along Blaine's jaw.

"So you changed your hairstyle for me?" Kurt asks.

Kurt can practically hear Blaine's face light up and he chuckles under his breath. "I would change anything for you," Blaine says. "I love you."

Kurt sighs happily. "I love you, too."

Kurt stares up at his ceiling from his bed. He doesn't even have to check the clock on his dresser to know that it's the middle of the night. That conversation he had with Blaine months ago is playing over and over in his head. Cooper is right. It hurts Kurt to admit it, but it's true. Blaine has changed ever since he and Kurt had started dating. Kurt noticed it, but it was making him happy and he assumed that Blaine was happy too. Blaine always says he's happy when Kurt's happy.

Kurt slides off the bed and gets to his feet. He grabs his cell phone from the dresser next to his bed. He's going to fix this. He's going to fix Blaine. He glances at the time. 10:30 p.m. It isn't too late. Blaine is probably still awake.

"I'm not going to make him miserable anymore," Kurt says as he dials Blaine's number.


	6. Chapter 6

**EYES: _I'm sick of the façade. I'm sick of pretending._**

It's nearly 2 am when Kurt's phone beeps loudly on his bedside table. Kurt curses under his breath as he rolls over to blindly grab at it. He doesn't even bother to check the number calling before bringing it to his face and pressing the answer key.

His nostrils flare as he talks into the phone. "Do you know what time—"

"Did you love me?" That jolts Kurt awake. He sits up on his bed and clutches the phone to his face.

"Blaine," he gasps. Blaine's voice sounds hoarse and broken like he had been crying. _Well, he might have_, Kurt notes.

"Kurt, did you love me?" Blaine asks again. Kurt looks at his lap and tries to steady his voice.

"Yes, I loved you," Kurt says. "I-I _love _you." He waits. He expects Blaine to say it right back like he always does, but all he hears is Blaine let out a shuddery breath on the other side of the line. Kurt holds the phone closer and closes his eyes, mentally pleading to Blaine to say it back.

"Why?" Blaine asks instead and before Kurt can even open his mouth to reply, the line goes dead. Kurt lowers his hands and places his phone back on the table. His room is completely dark except for the white glow of his phone's screen. Kurt blinks and feels a teardrop fall down the side of his cheek. He curls up on his side on his bed and pulls the covers up to his shoulders.

"I did the right thing," he says into the darkness as he closes his eyes. "I did the right thing."

**TIME: _He's gone. He doesn't want me. No one wants me._**

Kurt doesn't even look up when he hears the doorbell ring. He knows exactly who it is. He stays sitting on the couch in his living room, staring at his lap. It's raining hard outside. Kurt listens as raindrops hit the windows and the wind blows against them. He used to love the rain. He used to love using it as an excuse to snuggle up on the couch with Blaine, while they watched a movie, or kissed, or even just talked. Kurt chokes back a sob. _With Blaine_, he thinks. He closes his eyes to hold back his tears and he hears someone storming into the living room with someone else right behind.

"Cooper, I'm not in the mood to argue with you," Kurt says as he opens his eyes. Cooper's face is red and his eyes bulge slightly. He's panting and wet from head to toe. His dark red cardigan clings to his skin and his black jeans are dripping, leaving a wet trail in his wake.

"Wonderful because I'm not here to argue," Cooper says. Carole steps out from behind him and shoots Kurt a confused glance.

"Kurt, is everything okay?" Carole asks, her eyes darting between him and Cooper.

"Yes. Cooper's here to talk about Blaine," Kurt explains.

Carole tilts her head. "Is Blaine okay? I haven't seen him in a while."

"No, he's not freaking okay," Cooper snaps and Carole jumps a little at his tone. She narrows her eyes at him.

"Carole, can Cooper and I have a moment alone, please?" Kurt asks before Carole can open her mouth.

"Yeah, okay," she says. She walks toward the kitchen, not taking her eyes off of Cooper. "If you need anything, just holler."

"Will do," Kurt replies. He shifts his gaze back to Cooper. "Cooper, I—"

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Cooper asks, cutting him off. Kurt sighs. His head starts to throb and, frankly, Kurt's not surprised. With the amount of thinking and crying he's been doing lately, he's more surprised that he didn't get a headache sooner.

"I told you I'm not going to have an argument with you," Kurt says firmly.

"Why would you break up with him when you know he's in a fragile state right now?" Cooper asks.

"You told me I was making him miserable," Kurt mumbles.

"And he's happier now?"

"I don't know what you want me to do," Kurt huffs, keeping his eyes on Cooper.

"I want you to stop being stupid and to stop hurting my baby brother!" Cooper yells. Kurt's heart races in his chest. Can't Cooper see how much it's hurting him too?

Kurt glares at Cooper and says steadily, "You might not be aware, but your 'baby brother' is a seventeen year old boy. He's not a child."

"He's still my little brother."

"Cooper, I don't know what to do. You should be _helping _me, not starting fights with me," Kurt says.

"Why should I help you?"

"Because we might hate each other, but we both love Blaine," Kurt answers.

Cooper snorts. "Yet, you broke up with him." That's it. That does it.

"That doesn't mean I don't love him!" Kurt shouts. "I love him with all my heart, so much that it hurt me to break up with him. So much that I cried for _hours _after you told me I was making him miserable. So much th-that if I never become a big star, I wouldn't care as long as I had Blaine."

Kurt's voice cracks as he says Blaine's name and his eyes glisten with unshed tears, but he stands with his fists balled, eyes narrowed and fixed on Cooper. The two boys glare at each other, nostrils flaring and tempers rising, until they both feel their phones vibrate in their pockets.

They hear a thunderclap outside when they see the new message from Blaine. They both read the same message:

I jump, I jump alone. I die, I die alone. I just want it all to end.


	7. Chapter 7

**SPECIAL: **_**What's the point anymore? What's the point?**_

Cooper bolts out of the house and he doesn't have to turn around to know that Kurt's right on his heels. Carole runs out of the kitchen after them.

"Where are you two going?" she calls.

"Blaine's in trouble," is the only thing Kurt says before Cooper wretches the front door open and they both bound down the driveway. Cooper opens the door of his car and jumps in, wincing as his wet body touches the warm and dry interior of the car. He slides the key into the ignition as Kurt sinks into the front seat next to him. As the car comes to life, Cooper's mind races. He thinks of all the places where Blaine could have gone, but there's only one place where Blaine would be at this time. The car moves quickly and both Cooper and Kurt keep their eyes on the road in front of them, not saying a word to each other.

After about twenty minutes of silent driving, Cooper glances over at Kurt and the worried expression on Kurt's face makes his chest tighten and his stomach lurch painfully. It suddenly hits him: he might lose his baby brother. Cooper slows the car to a stop outside the abandoned playground of the elementary school he and Blaine had both attended when they were younger before it was closed down. The memory of spending days hanging out with Blaine on the roof afterschool when Cooper was in high school and Blaine was barely up to his hip hits Cooper hard and he slumps over the steering wheel sobbing. Kurt opens his mouth to speak, but he's cut off by Cooper's voice, muffled by his arms as he buries his face into them.

"Kurt, I'm sorry. I'm an ass. I-I just… I can't lose my baby brother," Cooper cries. "I thought the day he got beat up was it. I thought I would never see him again. I got scared and ran. I didn't know where I was going; I just couldn't be there." Kurt puts a hand on Cooper's shoulder.

"I would never hurt Blaine on purpose. I never would," Kurt says through his own tears. Cooper raises his head and looks at him.

"I know," Cooper admits. "I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at myself. Because w-what if it's my fault Blaine is so messed up? You know what he told me the day before I came to you? He told me that even if you broke his heart, it would be okay because at least he knew what it was like to be loved." Cooper slumps back in his seat. "I'm his _brother_ and he goes on and tells me that he's willing to be heartbroken because he doesn't know how it feels to be loved. And he says it like that's just the way life works."

"We'll find him," Kurt says, though Cooper can hear the doubt in his voice. "We will find him." Cooper nods at him and opens the door, sliding out. Kurt looks around, unsure of where they are, but he steps out of the car and walks behind Cooper. They walk toward an old building with graffiti on the stone walls and garbage bags over the windows. Kurt tries to ignore the annoying squeak and squish of their shoes as Cooper leads him to the back entrance of the school.

The back door seems to be locked tight, but Cooper pulls out a hairpin from the pocket of his wet jeans and jams it into the lock. He expertly gets the door open and the way he takes a quick glance around before ducking his head down and stepping into the darkened hallway. Kurt can barely see the staircase across from the door and he wonders what they're doing there when they could be looking for Blaine.

Cooper exhales. "I just needed to get out of that rain for a second and think," he says. "Blaine is definitely here somewhere. This place is his 'safety zone'." Cooper looks Kurt right in the eyes when he says, "He came out to me on the roof here." Kurt nods absentmindedly. The school isn't very large, but the courtyard is. Blaine could be anywhere.

"Maybe we should, uh, go outside and look for him," Kurt suggests. Cooper sighs, but gives Kurt a firm nod.

They step out into the rain and look around, calling Blaine's name with every step they make. _He came out to me on the roof here. _Kurt doesn't know why that sentence keeps playing in his head. _This place is his 'safety zone'_. Kurt raises his head and looks at the roof.

A gasp escapes from Kurt's lips and he swears his heart stopped beating. He calls to Cooper and points to the top of the building. Cooper runs over to him and looks up, searching for whatever Kurt saw. Kurt hopes he just dreamed it. He hopes his mind made it up to torture him for some sick reason. But a flash of lightening shows them a dark figure on the roof of the school and, in an instant, they're racing up the stairs.

When they reach the door leading to the roof, Cooper hesitates. Kurt turns to him.

"What?" Kurt says irritably.

"I-I can't. I can't see him like that," Cooper says. He looks down at his feet and mumbles, "I'll be here if you need me." Kurt wants to hit Cooper. He wants to slap in the face and yell at him to be a man and to be there for his brother, but he doesn't because right now, _he _had to be there for Blaine. Kurt huffs as he opens the door, leaving Cooper where he stood. Kurt gazes out into the rain and sees a shadowed figure slumped forward and it takes Kurt a minute to realize that it's Blaine on his knees a foot away from the ledge.

Before he knows it, Kurt finds himself on the cold concrete floor of the roof, staring at Blaine's profile.

"Blaine," he says softly. Blaine doesn't stir. Kurt tries again, his voice louder this time. "Blaine." Blaine turns to Kurt, but doesn't look him in the eyes. "Blaine, w-what were you going to do?"

Blaine's gaze drops to the floor and Kurt watches as his eyes momentarily dart to the edge of the building. Oh.

"Cooper's on the other side of the door," Kurt says. He doesn't know what else to say. A tense silence hangs in the air between them. The only sound is of the rain as it pours around them. Kurt sees Blaine shiver slightly as the wind breezes past them and he fights the urge to whip his coat off and hang it around him. Kurt inhales, taking in the smell of wet concrete.

"I was going to jump," Blaine says in a voice so low that Kurt hopes he just imagined it.

"What?" Kurt asks, but he doesn't need clarification. He doesn't want to hear it. He wants to pretend none of this happened and just go home with Blaine by his side.

"I was going to jump." Kurt swears he feels his heart stop. His head starts spinning and slumps forward, wrapping his arms around Blaine's body. Before he knows it, he's sobbing. His tears mix with the rain as they fall down his face, and he feels Blaine shaking, sobbing with him.

Kurt rests his forehead against Blaine's shoulder and he hears as a pair of footsteps approach them. He hears the squelch of boots as he sees Cooper crouch over them. Cooper's in front of them with his hand gently rubbing Blaine's back.

"B," Cooper says, his voice coming out strangled as if he had been crying. Blaine doesn't look up. "B. B-Blaine, look at me. Blaine, please look at me." Blaine lifts his head slowly and looks his brother in the eyes.

"Coop," Blaine whispers.

"Yeah, it's Coop. It's me," Cooper says soothingly. He smiles at Blaine, but Kurt notices it's not the same smile he usually directs at people. It's a sad smile, mixed with confusion and fear. Kurt takes this as an opportunity to slide to the floor, as his legs have began to protest the prolonged squatting. He sits on the ground next to Blaine, ignoring how wet and hard it feels on his jeans, and pulls knees up, so he can rest his chin on them.

"I'm sorry," Blaine says. Cooper cocks his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows.

"Sorry for what?" he asks.

"For not being better," Blaine replies. "For not being a better brother."

Cooper uses his other hand to ruffle Blaine's hair reassuringly. "You're the best. I'm the one that's a terrible brother."

Blaine shakes his head. "No, it's me," he says, his voice thick like he's moments away from sobbing. "I try to be perfect, but I end up doing everything wrong."

"No, it's not you. It's not, honestly," Cooper says, inching closer to his brother.

"Then why do you leave all the time?" Blaine asks. Cooper's mouth falls open and he mouths words, but nothing comes out. He looks uncertainly over to Kurt, eyes begging for help. "Why don't Mom and Dad talk to me like other parents talk to their kids? Why doesn't Kurt love me anymore?"

Cooper shoots Kurt a scathing look. His nostrils flare and his lips form a pale thin line as his eyes narrow at Kurt.

"Honey," Kurt says, choosing to ignore the death glare Cooper's giving him. A fight is the last thing he, and Blaine, need right now. Kurt moves closer to Blaine so that their shoulders are parallel. "What makes you think I don't love you?"

"Because of Karofsky."

Kurt ignores another icy gaze from Cooper and strokes Blaine's shoulder. "What about Karofsky?" Kurt asks, but Blaine just shakes his head.

"I'm not good enough for you," Blaine says.

"What makes you think that?" he asks. Blaine laughs bitterly and looks away.

"Everyone thinks it. I can't protect you. I never know the right things to say. I'm useless," Blaine says, his voice quivering with anger. "Why are you even with me?"

"Everyone thinks-Blaine." Kurt cups Blaine's face with his hands. "Did someone say something to you? Was it someone from glee club?"

"They don't have to say anything," Blaine retorts. "Everyone knows you and Rachel are going to be the ones who make it and Finn and I will just be in the background. Rachel and Finn can't be in the same place without fighting and breaking up every few seconds, and you and I are just deluding ourselves."

Kurt gapes at him. He takes a second to compose himself before asking slowly: "Exactly how are we deluding ourselves?"

Blaine snorts derisively. "Kurt, I'm your first boyfriend. You fell in love with me when you were vulnerable and scared and needed a hero to look up to. And I stupidly played along, pretending to be perfect a-and," Blaine chokes back a sob. "I'm not perfect. I try so hard to be, but I'm not."

Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's shoulders. "Honey, you don't have to be perfect. You're perfect to me," he says into Blaine's ear, but Blaine shakes his head.

"I'm not good enough for you, Kurt," Blaine says. "I'm not good enough for anybody."

Kurt pulls Blaine closer so their heads are touching. Inches from Blaine's face, with water pouring down between them, Kurt says, "You listen to me, Blaine Anderson. You're the only I want and would ever want. There is nothing between me and David. Nothing."

Blaine blinks away his tears and swallows. "You mean that?"

"I do," Kurt says.

"Only me?"

Kurt smiles. "Only you."

Kurt's lips brush against Blaine's. He presses harder, bringing a hand to Blaine's cheek. He hears as Cooper mumbles something about keeping the car warm and then his distancing footsteps. Kurt takes in air through his nose and kisses Blaine harder, not opening his mouth and sliding his tongue through. Just lips against lips. Kurt feels as the pouring rain clings on Blaine's eyelashes and fall as Blaine's eyes flutter closed. He doesn't know if the wetness he feels on his face is just the rain, his tears, Blaine's tears, or a mixture of the three. He doesn't know how long he can stay crouched on the floor before he legs start to complain again. He doesn't know if he can catch pneumonia from being in the rain this long.

But there's one thing that Kurt does know: right now, at this very moment, Blaine Anderson is alive and well in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**MIRROR: **_**The same dream as before.**_

The rain surrounds him and once again he's peering over the ledge, looking down at the black asphalt of the abandoned playground. He watches as droplets cascade off the windows and metal bars. He breathes steadily as he steps forward and he feels his legs give out under him. He grabs for something, anything, and almost yelps out of joy when his finger wrap around a cold, metal bar. But he knows. He knows it won't hold him for long. Angry clouds rumble overhead and he feels his clothes get wetter and wetter, weighing him down. He wants to scream, but he's had this dream so many times before. He knows there's no point. No one will come. Blaine feels the sting of tears and his eyes start to well up. Soon his face is wet both with rainwater and tears. His hands start to slip off the pole. This is it. He's going to fall. He's going to die all alone. But something in his heart tells him to try. _Just this time_, it says. _Try_. So he does.

"Help!" he hears himself shout. "Somebody, help me!"

Blaine hears nothing but the echo of his voice and the sound of the rain. He knows it's pointless to even try. He hangs his head down, closes his eyes, and prepares for the worse.

Blaine nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a warm hand grip his wrist tightly. He looks up to see the blue-green eyes of

"Kurt," he gasps. Kurt nods and smiles at him.

"Did you trip?" Kurt asks. Blaine nods.

"Well, you better be careful next time, little bro," he hears someone say next to Kurt. The person steps forward and he sees his brother beaming at him. Blaine's face breaks into a wide grin.

"I will," he says. "Will you help me up?" Kurt and Cooper look at each other, then back at Blaine.

"Of course we will," they say in unison. They grab both of his arms and haul him up. They land in a heap on the roof and stand up, laughing. Blaine doesn't even know why they're laughing, but he's so happy that he laughs too.

"You came," Blaine says. "You came to save me."

Kurt looks at him with a confused expression. "Of course we came," he says.

"Why wouldn't we?" Cooper asks, mirroring Kurt's expression. Blaine looks sheepishly at the floor.

"I thought you wouldn't care," he admits. Cooper lets out a soft chuckle and takes Blaine's hand. Kurt takes Blaine's other hand and together they lead him to the edge of the building. Blaine doesn't want to look down. He was seconds from being on that ground, dead and gone forever. He stares straight ahead and watches as a bolt of lightning flashes in the distance.

"Look down," Cooper says. Blaine whips his head to look at Cooper.

"What?"

Kurt moves closer to him and, patting his hand reassuringly, he whispers: "Look down."

So Blaine does. The playground is no longer abandoned. It takes him a moment to recognize everyone, but he smiles as his eyes fall on his parents, Burt, Carole, Finn, Rachel, and the rest of the New Direction smiling up at him with arms outstretched. More people are coming and Blaine can practically feel his heart melt in his chest as he sees the Warblers walking toward the building with arms outstretched too. Blaine looks back at Kurt and Cooper.

"What does this mean? Why are they here?" Blaine asks them. Cooper wraps his arm around Blaine's shoulder.

"Just in case you fell, they would be right there to catch you," Cooper says. "We'll always be here to catch you."

And at the moment, Blaine knows he'll be okay. No matter what happens, he'll be okay.


End file.
